The school year is officially in full swing. While you expected your child to come home bubbling with stories about their day, you’re noticing something different. Your usually happy kiddo seems tired, quiet and a little off. You’ve tried the usual “How was your day?” only to be met with the classic “Okay,” “Good,” or worse, “Fine.” It’s frustrating because you want to know what’s going on in their world. However, it feels like they’ve shut down after a long day. If your child struggles with talking and answering questions about their day, it can be challenging to connect.

Here’s the good news: sometimes it’s not that they don’t want to talk; they just need a different kind of question to spark a real conversation. Asking vague, open-ended questions often leads to one-word answers. But with some simple tweaks, you can open the door to more meaningful dialogue.

Instead of asking general questions like, “Did you have fun?” or “How was your day?”, try focusing on specific moments or subjects from their day. The goal is to help them recall and share details that don’t feel overwhelming. For example, ask about something they can visualize or remember more easily:

– What book did you read today?

– Did anything make you laugh today?

– What game did you play in the gym?

– What art supplies did you use in art class?

– Who did you sit with at lunch, and what did they eat?

– What songs did you sing in music class?

These types of questions help your child remember moments from their day that they might otherwise forget to mention. They also give them permission to dive into a specific part of their school experience. This can often lead to deeper conversations. By tailoring your approach, you can address their struggle with talking and answering questions.

Now, if your mom gut is telling you something’s off, it might be right. But that doesn’t always mean it’s something major. Often, it’s something you can help them work through or offer suggestions to solve. For instance, when my son was in first grade, his teacher made a rule that students could only go to the bathroom once per day. He became so afraid that if he used his one bathroom trip in the morning, he wouldn’t be able to go in the afternoon. So, he started holding it in all day. What we didn’t realize until it was too late was that he had developed a UTI from holding it in! 

Sometimes, our worries as parents are valid. Other times it’s something we can talk through or help them manage better. When I realized what was going on with my son, I helped him come up with a plan to communicate more with his teacher about his needs.

If you’re really struggling to get your kiddo to open up, sometimes humor can do wonders. You could ask something funny like, “Did everyone actually eat their lunch today?” Share a story that makes them laugh. In our family, we have a favorite video of my son and his classmate Henry eating dinner at our house. My son’s friend’s mom was asking the boys about their day. We found out really quickly that Henry didn’t want to eat his yogurt. When we asked him why, both boys answered in unison: “Lumps!” We all burst out laughing. The boys spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing about lumps in yogurt. Humor can help when a child struggles with talking and questions.

At the end of the day, it’s all about finding the right way to connect. Start with specific questions, throw in some humor, and give them space to share. Some days, you’ll still get the dreaded “fine.” But with the right approach, you might find yourself having some pretty memorable and meaningful conversations. And remember, you know your child best. Always trust that mom instinct, and if something feels off, follow your gut—it’s usually right. More often than not, with a little bit of patience and humor, you’ll get the conversation flowing.

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