By Rachel Sokol

When it comes to nannies, kids, and body image, this is a conversation worth having.

On a recent playdate at the park, my kids met up with two friends and their nanny. The girls asked their nanny to swing with them, and while she has always been kind and helpful, I was surprised when she replied, “I’m too fat to swing with you.”

Later, she bought the girls ice cream, and when they offered her a taste, she said, “I can’t eat that. You know I’m on a diet.”

While she may be feeling self-conscious, I wondered how these comments might shape the way the kids in her care think about their own bodies. This is why caregivers and body talk matter—kids are always listening, and the words they hear can influence their self-esteem for years to come.

How to address

Like many parents, I try to avoid making negative comments about my body in front of my daughters. (Which isn’t easy at all and I definitely slip!) I don’t want them to grow up scrutinizing themselves in the mirror, questioning their worth based on size. But what happens when other caregivers—like nannies—unknowingly introduce these ideas?

My friend isn’t happy that her nanny speaks this way around her daughters, but she’s unsure how to address it without hurting her feelings. Since the nanny is otherwise wonderful, she doesn’t want to create unnecessary tension.

So, I asked some professional family therapists for guidance on this delicate issue.

Connect with the nanny and the kids

Licensed professional counselor Bonnie Scott explains that there are two important conversations to consider: one with the children and one with the nanny.

“With your daughters, you can talk to them about self-talk and how we care for our bodies,” Scott says. “You can give examples of supportive, body-inclusive language and model that by speaking positively about your own body. Teach them to focus on what our bodies do for us, not just how they look.”

Depending on the children’s ages, Scott adds, it may also be appropriate to discuss how society contributes to weight stigma. “There are real-world limitations based on body size, like the fit of swings, airplane seats, or waiting room chairs. These limitations make people in bigger bodies feel othered and unwelcome.”

The second conversation, Scott points out, is with the nanny. If the nanny’s generally great, there’s room to be both kind and direct.

Advises Scott: “You might say something like, ‘I’m so grateful for the way you care for the girls. I’ve noticed some of the comments you make about your body in front of them, and I’m concerned because they really look up to you. I don’t want them to internalize negative messages about their own bodies. Could we find other ways to talk about body image that feel more positive for all of us?’”

Shift the language

Sabrina Nasta, a licensed therapist at Grow Therapy, emphasizes that young children absorb everything they hear—both positive and negative. One way to gently encourage a shift in the nanny’s language is to reframe their statements.

“Instead of saying, ‘I’m too fat,’ she could say, ‘This chair is too small; let’s find one that fits just right!’” Nasta suggests. “And when she talks about dieting, you could ask, ‘What’s the goal in sharing that with young children?’ Kids don’t understand diets in the way adults do. A better approach would be saying, ‘I’m focusing on eating foods that make me feel happy and energetic.’”

Ultimately, children absorb the messages they hear every day. Whether we’re parents, nannies, or other caregivers, our words about our own bodies matter. By modeling self-compassion and mindful language, we can help kids grow up with a healthier, more positive relationship with their own bodies.

Keep it #inyourcircle!

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The ways in which you communicate with your nanny and children set the tone for your family’s structure and well-being. Need some additional guidance? Check out our resources section for expert advice, hot takes from parents, and family activity guides. Sign up for our newsletter to get weekly updates and fresh inspiration sent straight to your inbox. Together, we can nurture happy, healthy kids and happy, healthy nannies!