Yes! A family therapist explains why–and how to adjust when your night helper leaves.

By Rachel Sokol

Bringing home a new baby is wonderful, and of course, exhausting and overwhelming. For many new moms, a night nurse becomes a lifeline. This special person helps you rest, answers your 2 a.m. questions, and makes those first weeks feel manageable. Even if your partner is there, a night nurse can provide additional support and even expertise when you’re feeling unsure, extra emotional, and still healing.

I had a night nurse after the birth of my second daughter. She was so helpful, I sobbed when her week-long contract was up. Who would I turn to for help and guidance? My family is amazing, but that second set of hands — especially as my partner returned to work and mostly oversaw our older child while I nursed our newborn and healed — was something I didn’t take for granted.

I’ve since learned I wasn’t alone. Some moms feel deeply attached to their night nurse, and it’s a popular topic in online parenting forums.

Hormones… and more

“Those feelings are completely normal,” says Dr. Julie Robinson, PsyD, LMFT, MEd of the Las Vegas Therapy Center. “The night nurse is someone who showed up for you during a time of intense need. You’re likely tired, flooded with hormones, and unsure of yourself in a brand-new role. When someone brings calm and reassurance to that situation, it’s easy to become emotionally attached.”

Online, some new moms feel embarrassed by the intensity of the connection, especially if their partner or family was also helping with the baby. I certainly felt that way at times. Reassuringly, Robinson explains that the bond with a night nurse isn’t about replacing your loved ones. It’s about having someone who is able to show up consistently and without personal needs of their own.

“Your partner might be just as tired or overwhelmed, and isn’t operating in a professional role,” she says. “But the night nurse is calm, supportive, and doesn’t expect anything from you emotionally. That makes their presence incredibly grounding.”

When that steady presence goes away, it can feel like a major shift. Some moms worry they won’t be able to function on their own or fear they’ll lose sleep, confidence, or their sense of calm.  Shauna, my night nurse, made sure I was eating well, let me know when it was time to pump breast milk, and reminded me to follow doctor’s orders.

She even walked our older child to pre-K a few times so my husband and I could both catch a break. When she left, I worried my partner and I couldn’t maintain the parenting juggle, especially on limited rest.

“It’s a transition, for sure,” says Robinson. “But it’s not a sign that you can’t do it. It’s a sign that your night nurse created a safe and effective parenting team. Now that team shifts to include just you and your partner, and you’ll learn how to find your rhythm.” (And eventually, we did.)

Beyond a thank you

If you’re hiring a night nurse or have one now, it’s nice to show your appreciation for their kindness and support.

To say thank you, Robinson recommends a heartfelt card paired with a gratuity, like cash or a gift card. “If you shared something personal, like a favorite tea or treat, that can be a nice touch too,” she adds.

The most important thing to remember is this: if you’re super bummed your night nurse is leaving, you’re not alone in feeling that way.

“Postpartum can be one of the most emotional times in a person’s life,” Robinson says. “The fact that you bonded with your night nurse just shows how much that support meant to you. It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to need time to adjust. You’re doing great.”

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